Monday, April 23, 2012

I Hate Change!!!

I had a sentimental moment today, reflecting on all the NEW that has happened in my life these past couple years. I remember starting my job almost three years ago and thinking- will this always look so new and be so hard? Every tax return was like a chore. I had no idea what I was doing and felt like I was lost in a jungle of debits, credits, income, deductions, oh my! My co-workers were experts, knew all that they were doing, and had all this cool lingo. I knew nothing (or at least I felt that way).
It was scary. Now I can say, I love my job. I love the lingo. I love all that pain that it took to make the new become old and understand the crazy life of a tax accountant.
 I remember getting married that Sunday in September (2010) and thinking will this newness wear off? Will the excitement of having a roommate/husband/best friend/ultimate companion fade away?
The newness did fade, but to be honest, I can’t remember what it feels like not to have a best friend anymore. It’s the best security. I am incomplete without him. It's fun and he always makes me laugh. I look forward to living the rest of my life with him and tackling whatever new beginnings and endings that may come!
 I remember wondering if making dinner and keeping a clean house would always be so hard as a working wife?
Answer-yes it’s always hard, but it does get easier. And I am incredibly blessed to have a husband who is a teammate rather than a coach when it comes to getting things done! <3
I then remember the big shock of finding out we were having a baby that Tuesday in February (2011). I asked myself over and over-will the newness of this news always be surreal? Will I actually be a mom? Can I even give birth? Everything about being pregnant was new. A new belly, a new appetite, a new desire to drink milk, a new wardrobe (or a borrowed one to be completely honest), a new set of furniture for Noah, a new set of responsibilities, a new feeling of fear, a new sense of complete joy. It was all so new.  
          It stayed new. I don’t think it ever faded. I soaked up every moment.
Then when we welcomed Noah in October, I was a NEW mom. Everything about Noah was NEW to me. I had never really held a baby, never changed a baby, never breastfed, never went months on end with no sleep, never put a baby in a car seat, never rocked a baby to sleep, never kissed such soft cheek, never felt such a deep protective love. I mean once again, it was all SO new.
I will say I am now an expert diaper changer and have mastered the mommy tasks. However, Noah’s smile, laugh, and complete love for life RENEWS my heart every day.
I don’t enjoy change. Matt will tell you this. I fight it. I am a creature of habit. I am predictable, BUT when I look back at the change and the NEWNESS I have experienced these past three years I realize I need a change of attitude. I need to embrace the new and lose the ‘tude.
Today, moving forward, I count my blessings again and again- realizing that I am blessed. I am thankful for the journey of life. I am thankful that every day is a NEW day! 

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